A letter to my younger Asian immigrant self
If I could start over again as an Asian immigrant in the Western workplace,
I’d do three things differently:
– 🔧 Learn to change a car tire
– 🗣️ Speak the language that gets you seen — not just the one that keeps you safe
– 🙅♀️ And please… don’t be a grandmum at work
Back then, I thought:
Head down. Work hard. Be useful.
That’s enough, right?
Then one day, during smoko, my boss said:
“You remind me of my grandmother.”
I smiled. Stayed quiet.
Felt… kind of ashamed. But I didn’t show it.
Classic move: smile and silence.
Now, years later — and with a lot of reverse culture shock back in Taiwan — I finally saw the cost of staying quiet.
And how deeply I’d been trained to stay small — to smile, agree, say nothing, and just be grateful I had a job.
I was bringing my Confucian upbringing into a workplace that spoke a totally different language.
I grew up learning:
- Obedience > opinion
- Deference > directness
- Sacrifice > self-expression
- Harmony > truth
- Hard work > visibility
But in Western workplaces?
Quiet = passive
Humble = unsure
Respectful = incapable
Reserved = not leadership material
So yeah.
“You’re like my grandmum” actually meant:
“You’re lovely, but I don’t see you as a leader.”
I didn’t realise how often cultural assumptions were shaping who got seen as “legit” and who got quietly dismissed.
Another time, a colleague said:
“I don’t trust an engineer who can’t change a car tire.”
In Taipei, where I grew up in a high-rise apartment…
Tire-changing wasn’t on the curriculum.
But differential equations were.
But we do learn how to survive.
To outstudy. To over-deliver.
To stay small, until someone says we’re allowed to grow.
💡 So here’s what I know now:
✔️ Cultural values aren’t wrong. But they shape how people see you — especially if they go unnamed.
✔️ Overgiving doesn’t get you respect. It gets you drained.
✔️ You don’t need to give everything away for free. People need to earn it — including your time and your voice.
To my younger self — and to any quiet immigrant professional:
Know your roots.
Know your environment.
And choose consciously.
Because what helped you survive won’t always help you lead.
Oh — and seriously,
learn to change a car tire.
Even if you only ride a bike.
Because knowing how to change a tire won’t just help your car — it might help your credibility.
Love,
your future not-so-grandmum self
