Six months later, I’m building a website — and my hands are shaking after 8 hours of non-stop working.
This was supposed to be freedom.
So why am I exhausted again?
My hands were shaking when I dropped the rice bowl into the dish, shattering it — and the dinner my mum made for me.
Just before then, my vision was blurring, my stomach was yelling ‘I’m hungry’, the screen is burning my eyes. I’d been at the computer for 8 hours, non-stop.
“Almost there,” I told myself.
“Just push through.”
Website almost done. Domain sorted.
Then… I needed hosting.
Oh, and a bilingual setup? Okay. WordPress it is.
“Just apply a template — it’ll take a few hours,” I said.
Six weeks later— after many stop-start attempts — I’m still tweaking.
Security settings, forms, email lists, anti-spam plugins — all the tiny, invisible tasks that nobody tells you will eat your soul.
The rice bowl broke. Tofu scattered.
My mum quietly swept up the ceramic shards, then carefully picked out each piece of tofu. ‘The birds will eat this,’ she said, placing the salvaged bits on her windowsill bowl – a plastic container she’s had saved.
Then she turned to me and said:
“You were too tired. That’s why you dropped it. You should rest before you’re tired.”
(“該休息的時候，就該休息。你看看，你就是太累了，手才會發抖。”)
沒錯。
And she was right.
I’ve fallen into this trap before — ignoring my body, pushing through, and staining the people I care most about.
I felt guilty that I ruined the dinner she made.
Two weeks of pushing later?
Fever. Muscle aches. Days in bed.
The Condition Didn’t Leave When I Quit
Overworking didn’t disappear when I left my job.
The pressure to perform didn’t vanish.
It just changed clothes.
Now it wears the face of “building something of my own.”
Same pattern. Prettier wrapper:
- Ignoring my body
- Postponing food
- Living in my head
- Believing it’ll feel better once I finish just one more thing
A Simpler Life Doesn’t Build Itself
Freedom to me was supposed to mean morning forest walks, not 1 AM debugging sessions. Quality time, not snapping at my mum because a plugin wouldn’t work properly.
The reality is messier. Sometimes, I catch myself sprinting in the old direction — again.
Rebuilding the same productivity trap.
Trying to earn worth by staying busy.
The old patterns don’t vanish with a resignation letter.
We all wish for a magic wand to erase the pain at once. But life doesn’t work like that.
It asks for honesty, awareness — and gentleness.
One step at a time. Each step brings me closer to home.
I’m curious — have you caught yourself recreating old patterns even after making big changes? What helped you recognize when you were falling back into the same trap?
