I Thought My Body Was Betraying Me at 47. Turns Out, I Was Just Using the Wrong Map.
I watched a 40-something dancer move across the stage like he owned every inch of it—and it made me cry.
Not because his technique was flawless. His body wasn’t the typical lean, hyper-flexible form you’d expect in contemporary dance. But the way he moved—grounded, confident, utterly present—hit me somewhere deep.
This was the Bulareyaung Dance Company (布拉瑞揚舞團), an Indigenous Taiwanese troupe exploring midlife through movement. And suddenly, everything clicked.
The Map I’d Been Missing
In Paiwan (排灣) culture, life unfolds in three distinct stages:
Pulima – the Hand
The doing years. Youth. Full of action, energy, and relentless effort.
Puqulu – the Brain
The thinking years. Midlife. A time to reflect, share, and make meaning.
Puvarung – the Heart
The being years. Elderhood. Where presence matters more than proof.
Watching that dancer, I realized I’d been trying to navigate my 40s with a map designed for my 20s.
When the Old Rules Stop Working
For decades, I lived fully in the “hand” phase. I could go full speed—work, exercise, social life, family—all crammed into a single day. My body was a reliable machine, and I was the demanding boss.
Then something shifted.
Recovery started taking longer. Not just physically, but emotionally. Some days, I’d wake up needing stillness, and I couldn’t even explain why. Tasks that used to energize me felt draining. My tolerance for noise, chaos, and constant stimulation plummeted.
At first, I thought something was wrong.
Was I lazy? Broken? What the hell was happening to me?
I felt like my body had betrayed me. Like I was failing at being the person I’d always been.
The Betrayal That Wasn’t
Over the past few months—partly while trying to understand my mum’s health changes—I’ve been learning more about how the female body evolves with age. Hormones shift. Energy patterns change. The nervous system recalibrates.
Time had moved on.
My body had moved on.
But my mind was still operating from the old playbook.
I was trying to force “hand” energy in a “brain” phase of life.
What the Dancer Taught Me
That performance reminded me of something I’d forgotten: I’m not failing. I’m evolving.
The dancer wasn’t trying to move like a 20-year-old. He was moving like exactly who he was—a man in his 40s with stories in his bones and wisdom in his gestures. His power came from presence, not performance.
This is the shift from force to meaning.
From proving to being.
From endless doing to intentional creating.
Learning to Dance with This Stage
I’m still figuring out what “brain” phase looks like for me. It’s messier than I expected—less linear, more intuitive. Some days I create and reflect. Other days I just need to be still and let things percolate.
I’m learning to collaborate differently. To share what I’m discovering rather than waiting until I’ve “mastered” it. To see my changing energy patterns as information, not failure.
I’m not an expert at this. I’m just someone learning out loud, one awkward step at a time.
Your Turn
Which life stage feels most familiar to you right now? Are you still trying to operate from “hand” energy when your body and soul are calling for something different?
What would it mean to stop fighting the transition and start dancing with it instead?
I’d love to hear what’s shifted for you—or what you’re noticing as you navigate your own life stages. Sometimes the most profound wisdom comes from simply witnessing each other’s journeys.
After all, we’re all just learning to dance with who we’re becoming.
